a failed attempt to descibe the pain
A very significant quality of me is not to bear the pain: like a slippery surface doesn’t bear the friction, journal bearing the torque, a thin fluid the shear, or the air the weight of a shot bird.
When the pain arrives I use pills, friends, writing and everything around me as pain killers. I may watch again the late episodes of "Big Bang theory" or eat two boxes of "gaz" and "baghlava" in one session. I may take a shower three times a day or even I may use the classic pain handling system of punching the wall, though I prefer punching the pillow. You know what kind of pain I'm talking about.
If the pain still is there, I think of suicide as usual but finally end up pretending there is no pain, just smilling and eating. In fact it is not a real pain when you lose your dad or mom or wife. It is a malfunction of the brain sending wrong signals and the glands ejacul.ating the wrong hormones into the blood. I think it is correct that "one must be happy" so this malfunction of the brain should somehow be cured. Alcohol and drugs are the traditional methods, I can't oppose them as I can't oppose suicide, but I think there is some other moral malfunction inside me. It should be the effect of education, family, society and all other bloody institutions all together screwing my sound brain right after I'm out of the womb.
Don't know why I'm writing this post in English, it should be another sort of punching the wall, or just the showing off, or simply not letting my mom read this. It's also easier to hide the pain behind this alphabet. I think the pain has an extended nature it has non-written vowels and strange voices like "KHE" and "Ain" as we pronounce it, it cannot be written or read in English with its simple broken and easy alphabet. So this should be considered as a failed attempt to describe the pain.
I just hate "IK International Airport".